Elder Kids

The apostle Paul’s requirement for elders to have faithful children is routinely set aside in the church by means of fanciful exegesis. The overseer must “manage his household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?” (1 Tim. 3:4-5). Submissive how? Sitting in the pew quietly and not getting anyone pregnant is not enough. “If anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to he charge of debauchery or insubordination” (Titus 1:6). Clearly, the submission is to Christ.

Submission when? The age of these children are not mentioned, so we should not restrict the application of the passage. Will they always be the pastor’s kids? Then this should always be factored in rather than the opposite way of thinking, which says that of course when they’re young you can’t tell how they’ll turn out, and once they’re out of the house they’re beyond the pastor’s control and therefore unable to disqualify him. Get out of disqualification free card!

It is often believed that Paul only means small children, but Gene Getz exegetically argues the opposite, that “when Paul refers to the fact that a man must have “his children under control with all dignity,” he is not referring here to small children. There are several words used in the New Testament and the word Paul uses here and in Titus is a general word used for “offspring” [tekna].  This word, of course, could be used to refer to small children, but the total context in which Paul uses the word seems to indicate “grown” children. Paul uses the same word in 1 Timothy chapter 5 when he talks about “mature children” who are responsible to provide for their mother’s material needs (1 Tim. 5:4). Furthermore, in his letter to Titus, Paul specifies that a man chosen for spiritual leadership position in the church must have children who believe, not accused of dissipation or “rebellion” (Titus 1:6). “Dissipation” and “rebellion” actually refer to riotous and improper living, characteristically what would be true only of older offspring” (The Measure of a Man, p. 156).

I think Getz has it right; young children are unlikely to be out carousing and knocking off convenient stores. This has to apply to older kids. And once this is admitted, things get messy because families are messy. Surely Paul knew this writing at a time when Graeco-Roman families were be introduced to, and divided by, the gospel for the first time. What about a man who is converted in 40s who already has grown children? What about a man who raises five godly children and one apostate? What about a man who adopts teenagers who are rebelling? The complicated nature of these scenarios and patience and wisdom required to deal with them cause many to lay aside the requirement–who has not met a wonderful pastor with rotten kids? But this is to get it backwards. One of the ways we should measure a pastor is his ministry to his family. Tough cases make bad laws, and just because we can’t pragmatically understand why or how this works, we shouldn’t set the standard aside. With much respect for him, I think that is what Justin Taylor does. He essentially rejects the standard because he believes the salvation of a pastor’s children is no more promised to him than the salvation of each of his individual parishioners. But it’s not the same, and faith is not a “managerial” skill though it does result in fruitful shepherding.

This particular qualification for office is obeyed by imperfect men just like the others. An elder is required to be a one-woman man. Does this mean he has never lusted? He is to refrain from much wine. Does this mean if he had half a glass too much he should immediately step down? He is to be free from anger. Does this mean he must step down if once he loses his cool? Of course not. And it doesn’t mean that he ought to step down if his teenage son is having doubts. What he should do is shepherd him through the issue just as he himself is shepherded by the other elders. This is what’s at stake: the quality of shepherding, the strength of the church. Why is the church so weak and disordered? Paul’s question ought to haunt us: “for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?”


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