Throughout Scripture we see periods of transition that are crucial for subsequent faithfulness. The book of Deuteronomy functions as a series of sermons to Israel on the brink of the Promise Land. This is how you have to think, act and trust if you want the Lord your God to bless you and your subsequent generations who are meant to inherit the land. Chapter 28 layouts out exactly what will follow either obedience or disobedience of the newly constituted nation, and later we see God making good on his promises by means of the Assyrians and Babylonians taking captive the northern and later the southern kingdoms of Israel and Judah.

Paul says in a different context that these took place as examples for us (1 Cor. 10:6). We’re supposed to see the connection between compromise and idolatry at one time, and the consequences that later follow it, whether those consequences result immediately or a long way off. What did Jeroboam the son of Nebat have to do with Assyria, hundreds of years later? Everything, the Bible tells us (2 Kings 17:21). This is central to covenantal thinking, seeing the threads of history woven together. And this is directly challenging to any notion that separates faith and the historical results of faith. Sometimes the results of faith are wandering in the desert or being sawn in two (Heb. 11:37-38), so we can’t be simple like Job’s friends, but neither can we be faithless like Job’s wife, insisting that it doesn’t matter what we do (Job 1:9).

It does matter what we do, and particularly at the beginning of new seasons and transitions of life. They say the most important years of child’s life are the first five–about which he will remember virtually nothing. Teenagers, making the transition into adulthood, are learning to complain or take responsibility for the rest of their lives. And the habits that a person establishes when leaving the house usually during 18-22 years of age are likely to continue. These are only a few well known transition periods, and they are almost universally despised for their trouble. Terrible twos, impossible teenagers, and kids sent off to college to be drunk and naked for a few years and hopefully come out employable. Expectations are low, so results are low.

The biblical mind sees these times as the most full of potential. Why was Jesus so effective at casting out demons during his ministry? Because he cast out the Devil from his own presence at the beginning (Matt. 4). This is when he should have buckled and compromised like an Adam, but he didn’t. The second Adam did it different than every other son of Adam.

Transition periods are not time for looser standards, but higher ones. By higher, I don’t mean harsher, since discipline ought to always be gracious and loving (Gal. 6:1; Heb 12:5-6). But to have high standards at these times will certainly be labeled as harsh. Do you really expect a two year old to listen to you? Give them space; it’s normal for your teenager to sulk and despise. As for your college kid, they’re out of the house–don’t ask, don’t tell. Examples could be multiplied, but parents who refuse to invest and guide, to give and correct, to love and discipline at these crucial times are crippling their children and missing the some of best opportunities to serve them.  Of course, the opportunity for faith and obedience is never past, and we serve a God who raises the dead. But it’s easier to trust God and stay in the land than to pack our bags for Nineveh.

3lbs 6oz and seven weeks early, Helen Victoria is a good excuse to be absent from blogging. Still, here is to more posts about the upside down world where people come out of people.

Social scientists have noticed that more young adults (those between eighteen and thirty years old) are putting off the responsibilities of adulthood. Adultolescence is the term that best describes this postponement of adulthood into the thirties. This phase is characterized by identity exploration, instability, focus on self, feeling in limbo, and a sense of limitless possibilities. These characteristics are accompanied by transience, confusion, anxiety, obsession with self, melodrama, conflict and disappointment. Others have called this the “Peter Pan Syndrome” because these kids just don’t want to grow up. The percentage of American children, or “kidults,” in their mid-twenties living with their parents has nearly doubled since 1970. Some never leave.  . . . One survey reports that only 16% of mothers and 19% of fathers say their children (ages eighteen to twenty-five) have reached adulthood. Even more alarming is that their kids don’t dispute it: only 16% consider themselves to be adults.  (You Never Stop Being a Parent, Newheiser & Fitzpatrick, pp. 46-47)

More and more parents are dealing with adultolescent children who eschew responsibility. Some would protest that the economy isn’t helping, but the issue isn’t circumstantial but attitudinal. Parents love to help children who are wise, hard-working, and responsibility-assuming. When theses qualities are absent, unwise assistance can easily exacerbate the problem; it might have created it in the first place.

So how do you handle your son or daughter who refuses to grow up? Newheiser and Fitzpatrick have written a helpful book where they lay out criteria for young adult children living in the home, whether those children are faithful to Christ or wayward:

1. Expect them to be productive.

2. Expect them to be financially responsible.

3. Establish reasonable moral standards (prohibiting drunkenness, substance abuse and sexual immorality whether in or outside of the house).

These standards foster good relationships when parents bestow honor, respect and refuse to micromanage their (adult) children. This means some sort of accountability system will have to be established and the burden for keeping it ought to fall on the child since they’re enjoying the free or cheap rent. Once agreements and methods are in place, it is essential for Christian parents to follow through:

Most parents with wayward adult kids have made many threats, but few have carried them out. They have backed away from ultimatums, allowing the pattern to continue and their kids to never reach adulthood. . . . An adult child who will not live by our rules cannot be allowed to stay in our home. Sometimes your child will try to make you feel like the bad guy for forcing him to leave. Or she may protest that she doesn’t feel like being treated as a child. You should make it clear that every adult has choices to make. As the parent you have the right to set standards for your own home. Your child has a choice of whether or not to stay. (pp. 80-81)